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Archive for December, 2010

Who Am I?

Who am I, that you should look into my face, with those dark grey eyes, and smile that big smile?

Who am I, that you should lay your head upon my chest and peacefully drift off into a deep slumber?

Who am I, that you should trust me to meet your every need, to nourish your body with my own, to quiet your tears, to calm your fears?

You lay your innocence upon me, but I am guilty of so much. How can I be enough for you? How can I be trusted with this precious gift when I have failed so many times before?

Oh Lord, grace. I need your grace. Make me who I need to be. Fill me so I will be enough.

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Merry Christmas!

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#65-#77

65. holiday photos of hugging sisters

66. stockings hanging in a row with a new addition this year

67. sitting on the floor with Genevieve, playing board games

68. finally getting to go grocery shopping

69. listening to Genevieve belt out Away in a Manger

70. kneading dough for sugar cookies with Genevieve

71. daddy home for dinner each night

72. Winter break from law school

73. watching Charlotte suckle in her sleep and Genevieve saying she’s dreaming about milkies

74. a sister who loves and cherishes my girls

75. Charlotte looking at her hands, clasping them together, putting them in her mouth

76. the quiet

77. the noise of two joyful, exuberant and energetic girls

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#50-#64

50. watching little Charlotte take slow, deep breaths after a few days of holding her close as she struggled with each breath

52. sharing hot chocolate with Genevieve

53. soft, fuzzy socks to keep my feet warm

54. pretending to sip tea with Genevieve from her new tea set

55. smiles from Charlotte that show all of her gums

56. holding Charlotte close as she sleeps, knowing she feels safe in my arms

57. watching Genevieve gently dressing her baby doll, talking to her sweetly as she works

58. a God who delights in seeing His children learn and grow, just as I delight in seeing mine

59. the sun shining through our windows on a cold day as we snuggle together in a warm house

60. listening to Genevieve sing Silent Night

61. that wondrous silent night when the Savior arrived

62. watching Genevieve and her daddy make cupcakes

63. matching ruby red dresses for my girls

64. Genevieve kissing Charlotte’s feet each time she passes by

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Dear God,

Thank you for always protecting our family. There are so many times that we forget what a blessing our girls are, and what a privilege it is to have them. After only a couple of days of having a sick child, we are so much more appreciative of their good health. Not only have you blessed them with health, but intelligence, beauty, a caring spirit, sense of humor, and too much personality. We know you had Charlotte in your hands through this trying time, and that you are her protector. Our comfort comes from knowing you are watching over both of them.
Charlotte and Genevieve are so special to us, and we are honored to be able to raise them to bless you. We ask that you help us with their care, and to always make the decisions that will bring them closer to you.
Love,
John and Gabrielle

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Oh precious Charlotte, this past week has been a difficult one for us. A week ago you began to cough and a few days later we noticed that you were having difficulty breathing. Your breaths were very rapid and shallow and you were coughing more and more. We brought you to the doctor and he said you had bronchiolitis. We weren’t sure if we would have to bring you to the emergency room because of it. All day we watched you carefully and held you upright in our arms. It was Genevieve’s third birthday that day. I tried to be strong and trust that God would take care of you, but by that evening all the fear and worry that I had been holding in all day came pouring out in a river of tears. I ached as I watched you suffer. My precious baby, who had only just begun to breathe, laboring so much with each breath. That night Daddy and I took turns holding you so that we could watch over you and pat your back when you began to cough. I brought you back to the doctor the next day and you had improved slightly. I was so relieved that we had gotten through the very worst of this sickness, but you were not all better by any means. We are just now beginning to get our sweet, happy baby back.

You are a strong little girl Charlotte! Although I know you were suffering this week, your beautiful spirit still shined through. I just love you so much. This week has just made me so much more grateful for you. I thank God for every breath and every smile. I realize now what a gift these little miracles are.

You have become so much more social this month. I saw a big change in you after about 6 weeks. You smile back at us when we smile at you. You like to look at and study our faces. You especially like to look at Genevieve. You look for her and seem to really enjoy watching your big sister.

We have been having lots of conversations lately. You mostly say “ah” or “ahga.” You seem to like it when we repeat the sounds you make back to you.

All that milky time has paid off. You are getting so big! We took you to the doctor at 6 weeks and you weighed 12 pounds and were 22 3/4 inches long. You are in the 94th percentile for weight and 85th for height. You still fit in 3 month clothes, but just barely! I also have put you in some 6 month clothes and they seem to fit just fine.

You are absolutely perfect Charlotte and your dad, sister and I are so in love with you!

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To my darling Genevieve,

Today marks three years since you entered our lives… 36 months, 1,095 days. Was there life before you? I have never known so much love, joy, beauty and laughter. You are such a special gift and we are so grateful that God has blessed us with you.

Since you were a little baby you have been so full of life and spunk. Even the doctor called you a wild one! Every day you make daddy and me laugh with all of your antics. You love to act silly and make us laugh. Daddy and I are always talking about all of the funny things you do and say. Every day there is something! Sometimes you make us laugh when we shouldn’t be though. It can be hard not to let you get away with things sometimes because you are so cute. (and you know it!)

My heart is so filled with love for you Genevieve. I feel like I can’t hug and kiss you enough. I can remember being pregnant with you, wondering what you would be like and what you would look like. You are more beautiful inside and out than I could have ever imagined you would be. You are strong and bold, but you are also sensitive and kind. I have especially seen how tender you can be when you interact with your sister. You hug and kiss her all the time. You hold her so sweetly. If you see a little something on her face, you gently wipe it away. You get her toys to play with and you love to be near to her. I hope that you are always so loving to her. I hope that you two will grow up to be best friends. She is so blessed to have you as her sister.

Genevieve, sometimes it feels scary to be your mom. You are so precious to me and I never want to disappoint you, although I know I will. I just cannot believe that God has entrusted me with your care. I just want the very best for you. Most of all, I want you to know how loved you are, first and foremost by God. You are His beautiful masterpiece. I hope that you will truly understand that truth, that you will know deep within that He lovingly created you and knit you together in my womb. What a miraculous work that occurred inside of me! Oh, Genevieve, who can love you more than the One who made you with His own hands. I pray each day that you will know that deep and intimate love of the Father, that you will allow it to permeate every part of your life and that He will be your first love, always.

I also want you to know how deeply loved you are by daddy and me. I pray each day that God would give me the grace that I need to be good mom to you, to nurture your tender spirit, to teach you and to guide you. I feel totally inadequate for this job, but I pray that wherever I lack that God would make up the difference.

So happy birthday to my amazing, beautiful three year old! These have been the very best three years of my life and it is with excitement and anticipation that I look forward to the wonderful years ahead that we will share together. Just try to slow down though. They are going too fast.

Love always and forever,

Your Mama

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